Forgiveness does not mean:
-you approve of what they did
-you excuse what they did
-you justify what they did
-you deny what they did
-you pretend you are not hurt
-pardon what they did-sometimes there are consequences
-you have to reconcile with that person
-you forget what they did
Forgiveness is:
-Based entirely on how God treated us
-Being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them
-refusing to punish the person
It's crazy how complicated relationships can be. I have a really complicated relationship, well non-relationship, with my dad. And although I've forgiven him for what he did do, the hard part is continuing to pray and maneuver through what is still happening now...
...like when I sit at a wedding and I see a father dancing with his daughter-she's so beautiful in her dress and he's smiling at her with tears welling up in his eyes, love overflowing for her -and I watch them as they whisper to each to other, laugh, and turn alone- together on the dance floor... and somewhere deep in my heart I forgive my dad for not choosing that....and then again even deeper still for not being capable of loving me the way I imagine a daughter should be loved....
Again...
and again
and again...
I forgive you daddy...
4 comments:
Kimi,
I really like the lists. I needed these written out for me, for my daily life. Thank you.
I feel empathy for you when you talk about father daughter dances; I can't even sit through them. Though our situtations are very different, I think you may find some peace in recognizing the other positive male figures in your life. It has really helped me in the past 11 years. I have many special relationships with men that bring me much happiness on a platonic and almost family like level. I even send out a dozen father's day cards every year. Just a thought.
Hi Kimi, I liked your thoughts on forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard when we have to choose to forgive over and over. Somedays when I'm not "feeling" forgiving, I think of forgiveness as a promise. "I promise that I will keep choosing to forgive."
wow That is so true! I never thought about what forgiveness is. It comes natural to me, but I never know why I do, and obviously forgiving takes time for a newer event, but to do that over and over for the same action is the most Christ-like character. Thank you for specifying what forgiveness really means. Your writing & heart is just beautiful...
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