Waiting...without yelling

I've been an angry girl lately-pit in your stomach, wanting to punch a pillow, scream at someone angry.

I realized this morning, during prayer as I wrote out everything that was pissing me off, is that it all has to do with me wanting something, or something to be different and I am helpless to change it or get it. And instead of asking God or hoping in God or waiting patiently on God. I've been yelling, crying, asking my hubby or more like demanding my hubby to change things for me.

And God kindly reminded me this morning that I've got it all backwards.

I need to seek first His kingdom which is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.
And yelling doesn't = righteousness, and crying=no peace.  And what makes me think demanding something from someone else is gonna get me anywhere when His word plainly says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from the desires that battle within you? You want something, but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God." James 4:1-3

Now I'm not strangling anyone (yet), but I've seen in the last month how my anger has done it's own fair share of killing. And I'm done. I am sick of being angry. God, I am asking you for what I want and waiting for your help. Patiently.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;...refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret, it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land."

Psalm 37:7-9

Let it begin...

A month ago, worshipping God in my office, door closed, I got down on one knee to bow and I saw a picture. A picture of Jesus on His throne with His hand reaching out to me-there was something in it. So I reached out my hand to His and He put what was in His hand in mine. 

I turned over my hand and saw a gold coin.

And a voice within me said,  "I'm about to give you more."

Now if any of you know me- before I started following Jesus I was desperate to be rich. I honestly wanted nothing more than to have lots of money. So now becoming a believer God is working on my heart to let that love of money go. BUT guess what the first thing my lame heart thought when I heard, "I'm about to give you more." Yeah I thought He was going to give me more money and I was like, "Whoo who." And like an arrow through my heart I was instantly humbled in front of Him, and the tears flowed from my eyes as I whispered sorry for being so money hungry.

And in His quickness to forgive without skipping a beat I heard the voice say, " Do you remember the parable of the talents?" And I was like, "Um, yeah sorta, but I don't have it memorized." So I flipped to the index in my Bible and found the parable of the talents in Matthew 25: 14

And I sat in my office and read...

 "[The kingdom of heaven], it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.


"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'


"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'


"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'


"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' 

As I finished reading this verse, I said out loud, "God, I am so excited to receive more from You!"

And right back He said, "It won't come without suffering though."

"Oh gosh," I thought freaking out....and then He encouraged me with these verses....

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered and, once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 5:7-10

"Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:18

and so the suffering begins...