pretty strangers

In my church community I'm part of the leadership team and just recently I've been given the opportunity to walk in the role of community pastor. I think my sister said it perfectly when she said, "Wow, Kimi five years ago you were agnostic and now you're a pastor!" It's crazy to me too and awesome that God can change someone so drastically. He has a plan and purpose for our lives that sometimes we'd never dream of. I know I NEVER grew up wanting to be a pastor. funny.

Anyways, five weeks ago I was praying for our church community and asked God what He would want as far as a prayer gathering for His people at Rock Harbor south county.  I heard, "Pray every other night for the next five weeks."

"WHAT! Where would we do that Lord?"

"Here."

I was praying on my couch so I figured He meant at me and Jason's house.

I sat and thought about it and realized that five weeks made total sense it was exactly how much time I had left on bed-rest for my pregnancy. So I would be home every other night for the next five weeks and I figured what else would I be doing. Praying is never a bad way to spend my time. Even though I was thinking praying in groups can get really boring I still thought how much I long for moments when God reveals Himself and that these prayer gatherings could be time to allow Him to guide our prayers- to see what He might say or show us.

So five weeks ago we announced it to our church community and Jason and I started opening up our home every other night for people to come over and sit and wait in God's presence-asking Him to guide our prayers. For five weeks God has been faithful and we've had a group of people show up every other night. People we know and people we don't. There have been nights when I'm amped people are coming over to pray and other nights when I'm like, "Do we have too? I feel so tired and out of it."

Last night was one of those nights. I was feeling pretty angry about something that had happened earlier and I had a real attitude going on in my heart.

So when one of our regular prayer night attendees brought two friends with her- two friends who were pretty, full of life, and you could just tell loooved Jesus. What did I do?

Yep-got jealous.

So great...angry and jealous-awesome way to start off a prayer gathering at my house-good one Kim.

As soon as we started praying and waiting in the Lord's presence. I got soooo uncomfortable. All that anger and jealousy in my heart was making it very awkward for me. Then one of the pretty, full of life girls said she saw a picture of a tree with deep roots, but she saw some of the roots were disconnected. And then she prayed, "Lord if there is any root of bitterness or lack of forgiveness in those of us sitting here would You heal that?"

And in my head I was like, "Ooh, she is talking to me. I'm super bitter right now about what happened today and I have obviously not forgiven that person who hurt me." I knew I had to confess and say that I forgive that person. So I did-without saying names.

 Man, it felt SO good to say it out loud. Immediately tears started streaming down my face and I felt my heart soften and melt. What was moments before a rock in my chest was now a heart more open and ready to think about better things, than the pity party I was throwing before. God was healing my heart.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." 

James 5:16

Little did I know that God had more healing in mind. Later on as we were praying Jason asked God if there was anything else He wanted us to prayer about.

And then my heart started racing as I thought about how jealous I was of those pretty strangers sitting next to me and God impressed it so strongly on my heart that I knew I couldn't end the night without also confessing that I was so jealous of them.

I took a deep breath, and said, "Guh... this is embarrassing Lord, but I feel compelled to confess. I'm really jealous of, blah blah and blah blah. They came in here and seemed so capable of praying and I saw their love forYou and I confess God I was jealous of it. Your word says that we have not because we do not ask God. So Lord I ask You, I want an intimate and deep relationship with You and I want You to teach me how to pray, like You've taught these two girls..... Huuuhhhh, thank you God for healing me as I confess."

It was silent.

And yet I felt SO much freedom and peace in my soul. There was all of sudden a sense of authenticity in the room and no tension between us anymore.

And then one of the pretty strangers started praying with such a passion and love for me only God could give her and then the other one did too! I was blown away that in the midst of my fleshy and worldly attitudes God used these two strangers to bless me and fill me with soooo much encouragement, as they prayed for the purposes God has for me, for Jason and I, and for our future son.

Gosh I needed- my heart needed- last night so badly...thank you God....