I heard a speaker today that inspired this blog post...
So, I (Kimi) used to believe that people followed a religion to feel supported or a part of something. That they belonged to a religion, because they needed a crutch or wanted to feel comfortable.
But now I see differently
If I have a choice about what religion to be a part of why would I chose to follow Christ just to belong to a group or to feel comfortable. If those were the only reasons for me to "join a religion" then there are way easier religious options out there to chose from.
This is what the speaker was talking about. He was saying stuff like: There are religions who believe that I could end up being my own god and have my own planet (in my selfishness that sounds freakin sweet!) Or religions that say I could be reincarnated into something better than what I am right now, maybe a superstar or royalty-that my soul is immortal-no reason for heaven or hell.
But I don't chose to follow Christ everyday to just be part of a group or to be comfortable, because sometimes it's not comfortable at all. If I wanted comfortablity I could have chosen one of the many other religions, but I choose to follow Christ because of His compelling character.
I look up to Him in so many ways.
The depth of His love for people- all people- still blows my mind.
The gentle yet powerful way He works in peoples' lives that brings awe & wonder only He can.
Jesus, I remember when I didn't know You. People who knew you told me that they loved you, worshiped you and had a relationship with You. I really had no idea what that looked like.
I remember when I was just discovering You and I was in San Francisco lying in bed one night and literally told you that I wasn't even sure of the reasons why I should love you-that I didn't get You, and that I definitely didn't feel close enough to you to love You.
Jesus, it's been over four years since then and Lord it's been incredible to read how the Bible describes you and to watch those words about you come to life as You reveal your characteristics to me day after day.
You are faithful. You care. You are my wonderful counselor. You won't leave me. You teach me what is good. You show me what is right. You are so deep, so loving, so full of life. You get me. You have perfect timing. I love and need Your wisdom. Your passion and goodness I want.You are humble, and patient. I admire and long to have your priorities.To think that you lived to end up suffering, hanging, bleeding in agony, alone on a cross, so that you could restore everything, including me....Jesus, you took me- a girl who didn't get it-cared for me, and showed me You are lovable.
Lord, would you help other girls too? Other girls, who are just like I was, would you show them how much you love them? Would You help them get it?
I've been an angry girl lately-pit in your stomach, wanting to punch a pillow, scream at someone angry.
I realized this morning, during prayer as I wrote out everything that was pissing me off, is that it all has to do with me wanting something, or something to be different and I am helpless to change it or get it. And instead of asking God or hoping in God or waiting patiently on God. I've been yelling, crying, asking my hubby or more like demanding my hubby to change things for me.
And God kindly reminded me this morning that I've got it all backwards.
I need to seek first His kingdom which is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.
And yelling doesn't = righteousness, and crying=no peace. And what makes me think demanding something from someone else is gonna get me anywhere when His word plainly says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from the desires that battle within you? You want something, but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God." James 4:1-3
Now I'm not strangling anyone (yet), but I've seen in the last month how my anger has done it's own fair share of killing. And I'm done. I am sick of being angry. God, I am asking you for what I want and waiting for your help. Patiently.
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;...refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret, it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land."
A month ago, worshipping God in my office, door closed, I got down on one knee to bow and I saw a picture. A picture of Jesus on His throne with His hand reaching out to me-there was something in it. So I reached out my hand to His and He put what was in His hand in mine.
I turned over my hand and saw a gold coin.
And a voice within me said, "I'm about to give you more."
Now if any of you know me- before I started following Jesus I was desperate to be rich. I honestly wanted nothing more than to have lots of money. So now becoming a believer God is working on my heart to let that love of money go. BUT guess what the first thing my lame heart thought when I heard, "I'm about to give you more." Yeah I thought He was going to give me more money and I was like, "Whoo who." And like an arrow through my heart I was instantly humbled in front of Him, and the tears flowed from my eyes as I whispered sorry for being so money hungry.
And in His quickness to forgive without skipping a beat I heard the voice say, " Do you remember the parable of the talents?" And I was like, "Um, yeah sorta, but I don't have it memorized." So I flipped to the index in my Bible and found the parable of the talents in Matthew 25: 14
And I sat in my office and read...
"[The kingdom of heaven], it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
As I finished reading this verse, I said out loud, "God, I am so excited to receive more from You!" And right back He said, "It won't come without suffering though."
"Oh gosh," I thought freaking out....and then He encouraged me with these verses....
"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered and, once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 5:7-10
"Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:18
I was talking to one of my good friends at work and it reminded me of this...
About two years ago I was going through a time when I was-crying everyday, sleeping a ton, eating bags of candy, and getting angry at Jason super easy (I wasn't PMSing cause it was going on and on)
So one of my bible study teachers told me to write down all my issues on a piece of paper and under them put scriptures that will help me see the truth more clearly or that would comfort me. So I did.
I wanted to post em.
Scripture to Transform my mind
1. I feel crazy
God is not a God of confusion, but a God of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33
My Lord, I belong to you. I tell you what worries me, and you won't let me fall. Psalm 55:22
2. Life is hard, I'd rather die or just go away
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2-3
3. I’m frustrated with where I’m at in my career
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
The Lord Who bought you and saves you, the Holy One of Israel, says, "I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to do well, Who leads you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17
4. I doubt the existence of God
See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. As has just been said: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." Hebrews 3:12-15
5. I fear trusting God in every area of my life
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7
6. I am frustrated sometimes when I pray
“Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud and He shall hear my voice.” Psalm 55:17
“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire and it shall be done for you.” John 15:7
7. I want to numb my thoughts and feelings (by doing outrageous things, drinking, yelling, eating)
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2
8. I feel so empty and hurt
Heheals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
The Lord will always lead you. He will meet the needs of your soul in the dry times and give strength to your body. You will be like a garden that has enough water, like a well of water that never dries up. Isaiah 58:11
9. I want to be joyful
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill me completely with joy and peace because I trust in Him. Then I will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
10. I feel depressed
“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord.”
I haven't spent quality time talking with God today. J and I are going to a wedding this afternoon and he's in it, so he is out doing wedding day stuff.
I'm here by myself at the Country Inn Suites blow drying my hair- feeling lonely and anxious. As I'm blow drying my hair-it gets sucked into the back of it and I have to yank it out to break free, which only irritates my already anxious mood. I start having thoughts like, "Hmm I don't feel like getting ready, I don't like being alone. I should just go lose myself in the internet; flip through Facebook, gmail, blogs, and music videos. I feel crappy and when I feel crappy that comforts me."
As I'm debating about spending my last free moments of the day on the internet instead of talking with God, I eat five cookies. All the while I hear in my head, "None of that will make you feel better."
guh...I want to make the better decision and sit with my bible open- pouring out my heart to God, but I don't -
I eat the 5 cookies and get on the internet to write this.
And now with my free time spent I'm off to the wedding with my hair blow dried, blog written and quality time spent with God=zero
"you have been given fullness in Christ [not cookies or the internet]." Colossians 2:10
God has made it more and more obvious what He wants me to do to serve Him in this season. And I can't tell you how weird it is on one hand to experience joy in it as tears well up in someones eyes as they experience His love or when they tell me that seeking Him is what they want to do. But at the same time experiencing fear about being bold and stepping out talking to people about deep things of the heart.
God, I have so much desire to see people seek first your kingdom and your righteousness. Such a strong desire that they would long to love you with all their heart, all their soul, all their strength and all their mind. Would you continue to give me grace? Would you continue to fill me with Your love, so that I can turn around and pour it out? Would you continue to show me how to love and encourage?
Oh, how I need you Lord to..."never lag in zeal and in earnest endeavor; [to] be aglow and burning with the Spirit, serving [You]." Romans 12:11 (amplified version)
How He speaks and moves- I can't help but notice. 
