her and Him...

Looking at the different women in my life I am continually amazed at how God grows each of them. As they discover Him, His ways, His voice. I watch this person-this woman in His presence and ways really live and come alive before my eyes. 

I see peace fill up inside her.

I see her noble and exciting purposes revealed.

I see her marvel at the love He has for her and the intimacy that comes from being lead by Him and hearing His voice.

I see the humility in her tears as she realizes how powerful, good, perfect and gentle He is.

I hear her confess to Him and then watch as He restores her and helps her stand up again to keep running the race, advancing His kingdom-bringing light into darkness.

I see a beautiful, unique, expression through her of God's grace.

Lord, I praise you for the work I've seen You do in the hearts, souls, and circumstances of these woman I'm so privileged to know.

Would you continue to bring those who feel dead inside into the life You promised them...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

John 10:10

 "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." 1 Corinthians 3:6-7

"Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood and as you lay there in your blood I said to you,"Live!"  
I [the Lord] made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew up and developed and became the most beautiful of jewels." 
Ezekiel 16:6-7

Seeking you...

"We will never find God unless He first seeks us, but we should remember that He can do so in very different ways. 

Sometimes, God jumps on us dramatically... and we have a sharp sense of His love. 

Sometimes He quietly and patiently argues with us even though we continue to turn away. 

How can you tell if He is working on you now? If you begin to sense your lostness and find yourself wanting to escape it, you should realize that that desire is not something you could have generated on your own. Such a process requires Help, and if it is happening it is a good indication that He is even now at your side. " 

-Timothy Keller

weight of temptation

Restless.
Ungrateful.
Wanting.
Alone.

And then it started. The slippery slope of thoughts that lead to sin. "Well it's not as bad as what other people do." I won't do it again." "No one will have to know." "I totally need this right now." "Nothing else sounds good enough." "Just once." "It'll be fine."

I sat there at my computer. It wasn't even late, but it was quiet in the house. And my selfish thoughts were so convicting it was as though there was another person in the room convincing me I deserved a "good time." The thoughts came so quickly and fast I could feel the pressure of them. I was being tempted and under their weight I had two options: To do what I wanted which was to say, "Yes," or to beg God to help me say, "No."

I stared at the computer screen, my thoughts racing...

and I bowed my head, "God, help me right now. You're going to have to help me. I need your power right now to say no to everything I want in this moment."

I looked up at the computer screen again and I could feel myself justify my desires and overpower any ounce of desire to be the woman God has called me to be.

I bowed my head again, "Lord, please fill me with your Holy Spirit right now, that I would walk in goodness and in light. Not in darkness. God help me be the woman you've called me to be." 

In that moment two random thoughts filled my head, "Go watch So You Think you can Dance to get away from the computer," and "Tell someone."

The weight of my desires lifted long enough to get out of my computer chair and walk out of the room. I went out into my living room. Thought about waking up Jason to tell him, but decided against it and thought my best friend would be a better place to start. I texted her exactly what I had been tempted to do and turned on So You Think You Can Dance.

A minute later my phone rang. My best friend was on the other end. Without a question or a need for me to explain, she started reminding me of all the ways God has filled my life with blessings and satisfaction. That the enemy would love more than anything for me to chose sin selfishly without regard for the ripple effect it would have on me, my husband, my future children and what God has called me to do. 

She said while I was sitting at the computer heavy in my selfish desires it was as though Satan were standing behind me telling me how great it would all be, how fun, how much I deserved it. And Jesus was standing there too. Waiting for me to chose Him, waiting for me to die to myself and say no to Satan. Without words standing there with love and grace in His eyes for me... as He let me decide.

As she said these things my heart broke and tears streamed down my face.

I couldn't imagine pushing Jesus aside to say yes Satan, yes to the enemy.

As my best friend continued to speak truth into me I realized the power that's in reaching out and getting encouragement from others in the midst of my temptations and struggles. I can't fight alone. I can't.

"See to it brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:12-13