Where are you God?

Tonight I was sitting on my sofa nursing Luke, my 2 1/2 week old baby boy, eating veggie soap my grandma made, sipping a gluten free beer (I know classy) and scanning through my Bible reading random verses. I came upon this one, "Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow Me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves Me." John 12:26 and it prompted me to close my eyes and pray, " Lord, where are You? I want to follow you and be where You are. Will You show Jason and I in the midst of being consumed with baby and lack of sleep where You are-so that we can be there with You?"

I opened my eyes nonchalantly and got excited inside believing God would answer my prayer.

I finished nursing and started the usual burping routine. Luke spat up a bit and I cleaned his face off with the burp rag and stared into his cuteness. Precious, I thought and I thanked God for giving me this beautiful boy. I continued smiling down at my son's face and as my heart filled with gratefulness for my baby the Holy Spirit inside me spoke to me and said, "There I am."

Tears welled up in my eyes and the tinge of loneliness I felt before escaped my heart and I thanked God for being so close to this new mommy in the midst her baby-ness.